frantic. Completely, and utterly frantic. And as I wandered through this uncertain frenzy, I found myself in the murky waters of depression.
I know what you're thinking. Crystal, you seem so cheery and focused.
That's the magic of editing, friend. It's also the magic of denial...
The reality is, when I'm cruising through my work day, I'm totally on, I'm 100%. I'm grounded, focused, and do great work. I'm crushing it. But once I've punched out for the day, I'm the one who's getting crushed. My brain is a shit storm and I was feeling paralyzed by it. Totally normal, but not exactly how I want to be feeling.
I've been putting a LOT of pressure on myself lately. I don't need to get into the details with you, for the same reason I'm not going to show you my underwear. It's personal, and frankly, you don't need to know.
But, I can tell you this; it feels good to put my denial down and to finally accept that I was depressed.
It feels even better to DO something about it.
This week I started doing something about it. Total win.
I wish I'd done this sooner.
I'm not writing this to gain attention. Nor am I writing it to get sympathy. I'm sharing this with you because maybe you're walking around in murky waters, too. Maybe you're in a bit of denial yourself, or are scared to admit that maybe you need a little TLC. Maybe you just need a little nudge.
And if that's the case, consider this your nudge.
It's ok to be depressed.
It's ok to be afraid.
It's ok to ask for help.
Here are some links if you need a little TLC:
Also, doodling and listening to music helps.